zondag, januari 27, 2008

 

Mother

Today it is exactly 11 years ago my mother died. She would have died on the 26th, her breath stopped for over 5 minutes that day - 5 minutes I was on the phone talking with my daughter in Israel, congratulating her on her birthday. But, the moment the doctor stopped telling me what happened and she heard my voice she 'came back' - She waited. Not dying on the 26th, my daughter's birthday (which she doesn't celebrate anymore anyway since she turned religious but only on the hebrew date) -

Mother, my modest, extra-ordinary emotional and warm hearted mother, though I can't visit your grave and don't know if I will have the money to transfer your remains to the grave next to Pa before they dish your bones, please be assured of my everlasting, thorough love for you. Even, if at times, it didn't feel like I loved you.

Tse.

PS. I decided to make a tribute to her. The following are the singers she held high. Judy Garland for which she felt so much sorry, because according to her she had such a sad life, the following, Bing Crosby was her absolute 'star' -like she admired him over the top, thought the world of him, the third a song that made her burst out in tears - the singer, the melody, the words.... the ambiance. My mother was such a honest - and righteous person, it was hard for her to recognize injustice covered up by the traditional culture she lived in - but it bothered her, while not knowing exactly what it was that hurt her about it... hearing this song again makes me cry as well.., and the fourth a Dutch singer with whom I performed on Toppop with as a model (for my long blonde hair, which words appear in the lyrics) and made her so proud, an appearance I made on Dutch tv only a few months before I left the Netherlands - a decision that until this very day haunts me as to the hurt that caused her- a song she played many times after I left, thinking of me.... Like I now feel how much it hurts to have a child far away :(












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