zaterdag, juli 21, 2007
Life, Love, the Wind & the Flute. . .
Having a easygoing character (some may say: no personality) brought me into situations not foreseen or anticipated by me. It was the wind of life I let take charge of my life. . . It was "different" I would go after. Therefore I would go everywhere fate placed me. But. . . fate had a 'lesson' for me in store:
I fell in love.
To a totally different person than me. Which, I saw as a challenge... There are so many truths 'out there' - I couldn't understand this person, but I loved him - a feeling way stronger than my brains warned me against. I'm a fighter, but a 'good' fighter: "we will survive, we'll manage, we'll solve anything that is out to separate us without losing our own core identities" - Unfortunately, this was a one-sided endeavor. The partner's was "my way, or the high-way" - I didn't recognize it in time (and even if I did... I can't control my feelings who are -to say the least- having their own logics, or better: no logics at all).
And thus, I came to live a life of 'adjusting' myself, engulfing and sinking deeper and deeper into a world that became my world but I felt a stranger to. A stranger in my own world.... Which doesn't mean we didn't fight (argue) - but actually nothing changed... and although some side-roads were taken, it still led in the same direction: one I knew I didn't want to go to.
Then, there's music ;-)
My life-savior. When I hear music I can 'disappear' and float upon daily-life to 'wherever' the particular song takes me. (This is a remnant of my wish: to let someone/thing lead me - although I'm less optimistic with people leading me anymore).
We generalize all the time, yes me as well, although it goes against my very basic feelings. It's 'easier' - for 'protection' - when you know someone belongs to a certain 'group' it's supposed to give you basic 'knowledge' of that person. . . If it's a Palestinian (he could turn and stab you), If it's an Israeli (he never tells the truth and is only out for his personal gain), If it's a Dutchman (he's naive and boring), If it's a Lebanese, If it's an American, If it's a Muslim, If it's a Jew, If it's a ........................
and then, you hear music
From Palestine, from the Netherlands, from Israel, from Lebanon, from the U.S., Islam based music or Jewish based music - and -if music is your life-buoy- you look right through the generalizations and find connecting points with everybody, everywhere. And, if you don't, just let fate take you like it took me to find out that maybe it hasn't landed you in the spot you'd rather be at a particular moment and it seems everything else you've done was wrong, but it sure has brought you some wisdom you seemed to lack before taking off into the unknown- (I had to listen to Umm Kalthoum 24/7 when I came to Israel and thought Arabic music is horrible - being confronted with it for the first time in my life. Now, I wish I could speak Arabic just to understand every song in that language I like, because it's one of the most emotional genres I know of now). Meaning the 'familiarization process" did have points in it I was meant to learn.
(with thanks to N. who introduced this song to me)
the best of prayer is song
abstaining from all that will come
forgetful of all that has passed
give the flute then and sing
in singing is Justice for the heart