zaterdag, juli 21, 2007


Life, Love, the Wind & the Flute. . .

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Having a easygoing character (some may say: no personality) brought me into situations not foreseen or anticipated by me. It was the wind of life I let take charge of my life. . . It was "different" I would go after. Therefore I would go everywhere fate placed me. But. . . fate had a 'lesson' for me in store:

I fell in love.

To a totally different person than me. Which, I saw as a challenge... There are so many truths 'out there' - I couldn't understand this person, but I loved him - a feeling way stronger than my brains warned me against. I'm a fighter, but a 'good' fighter: "we will survive, we'll manage, we'll solve anything that is out to separate us without losing our own core identities" - Unfortunately, this was a one-sided endeavor. The partner's was "my way, or the high-way" - I didn't recognize it in time (and even if I did... I can't control my feelings who are -to say the least- having their own logics, or better: no logics at all).

And thus, I came to live a life of 'adjusting' myself, engulfing and sinking deeper and deeper into a world that became my world but I felt a stranger to. A stranger in my own world.... Which doesn't mean we didn't fight (argue) - but actually nothing changed... and although some side-roads were taken, it still led in the same direction: one I knew I didn't want to go to.

Then, there's music ;-)
My life-savior. When I hear music I can 'disappear' and float upon daily-life to 'wherever' the particular song takes me. (This is a remnant of my wish: to let someone/thing lead me - although I'm less optimistic with people leading me anymore).

We generalize all the time, yes me as well, although it goes against my very basic feelings. It's 'easier' - for 'protection' - when you know someone belongs to a certain 'group' it's supposed to give you basic 'knowledge' of that person. . . If it's a Palestinian (he could turn and stab you), If it's an Israeli (he never tells the truth and is only out for his personal gain), If it's a Dutchman (he's naive and boring), If it's a Lebanese, If it's an American, If it's a Muslim, If it's a Jew, If it's a ........................

and then, you hear music

From Palestine, from the Netherlands, from Israel, from Lebanon, from the U.S., Islam based music or Jewish based music - and -if music is your life-buoy- you look right through the generalizations and find connecting points with everybody, everywhere. And, if you don't, just let fate take you like it took me to find out that maybe it hasn't landed you in the spot you'd rather be at a particular moment and it seems everything else you've done was wrong, but it sure has brought you some wisdom you seemed to lack before taking off into the unknown- (I had to listen to Umm Kalthoum 24/7 when I came to Israel and thought Arabic music is horrible - being confronted with it for the first time in my life. Now, I wish I could speak Arabic just to understand every song in that language I like, because it's one of the most emotional genres I know of now). Meaning the 'familiarization process" did have points in it I was meant to learn.

(with thanks to N. who introduced this song to me)

the best of prayer is song

abstaining from all that will come
forgetful of all that has passed
give the flute then and sing
in singing is Justice for the heart

Full translation


ya allah, you got me all teary-eyed now..
For me, that's one of the problems of living in the US. You're always expected to assimilate into an imaginary American culture, and the idea of listening to music from other countries in a language you don't understand seems wrong to many people. Unamerican.
i love arabic.. i love listening to my grandma speak to her sisters and wander about the meaning of some of tose sounds i have heard for 31 years that i still dont understand while i humm in pride about those i that i have known for the same duration..
What a wonderful post. :)

I'm sorry to hear about the man you loved. I hope you cherish the good memories and forget the bad ones.

Music is definitely something none of us can live without. When there's no one to be there for you, you listen to music - it will always be there to support you, to cry with you, to laugh and dance with you.
Lirun, the funniest thing about Arabic is that I once went into the makolet who was owned by an old man who spoke hebrew and jiddisch only. Enters an only arabic speaking lady and asks the following:

"andak dzjbn tsfati?"

He couldn't understand. And, I - speaking no Hebrew, nor Arabic, nor jiddisch - translated it into German - which he understood (because of the jiddisch) :D

I was so proud of myself :D
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